An Open Message to Aretha Franklin

Dear Dumbass,

Contrary to your preliminary diagnosis, based on your extensive training and years of medical practice, Prince did not die of the Zika virus.

No, Prince killed himself with drugs.

In the future, kindly leave determining the cause of death to a qualified medical professional.

Unless you decide to go to medical school. In that case, you’ll be qualified to make such judgments.

In eight years. After four years of college and then four of medical school.

When you are 82 years old.

Until then, why don’t you just focus on doing what you do: sing us pretty songs.

Sincerely yours,

The Four-Eyed Curmudgeon

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