Guns Don’t Kill; Stupid People Kill

After the terrorist attacks on New York City and Washington, D.C., many people thought airline pilots should be armed to fend off future terrorists – as if there’s any reason to believe airline pilots would be capable of doing such a thing.

Just because a guy wears a uniform doesn’t mean he’s ready to kill.

When cooler heads prevailed, a compromise was struck: pilots are not required to carry guns when they fly and they’re not necessarily encouraged to carry guns when they fly but they’re permitted to carry guns when they fly if their airline permits it, if they’ve graduated from a special program administered by the Federal Air Marshal Service, and if they’ve passed a psychological and background screening.

Unless, of course, they end up leaving their gun in the men’s room.

And forgetting it’s there.

And someone picks it up and runs off with it.

Which is exactly what happened in Philadelphia not too long ago: a Republic Airlines pilot (of course the guy with the gun flies for Republic Airlines, it wouldn’t be someone who worked for Democrat Airlines) was going through his pre-boarding routine of emptying his bladder – no doubt he dislikes airplane bathrooms as much as the rest of us – and put down a satchel with his gun to, um, take care of business.

And then left the rest room without it.   (After, presumably – although you never know with guys – washing his hands.)

Five minutes later, when Johnny realized he didn’t have his gun, he returned to the men’s room.

And of course the satchel, and the .40 caliber gun inside it, were gone.

An hour later airport security found the gun in a custodial closet, where the janitor who stole it stashed it for safe-keeping.

And didn’t use it to hijack a plane, rob a store, or use airport visitors for target practice.

That’s an hour later – an excellent job, by the way, Philadelphia International Airport police.

Go ahead, punk: complain that the pretzels are stale. I DARE you.

Not coincidentally, complaints about stale pretzels on his flights are down 96%.

But in that hour 16 flights were delayed, 2693 passengers were inconvenienced, and a whole lot of people were scared.

All so we can have the illusion that there’s someone there to protect us, sometimes, maybe, and so pilots can act like big tough guys and try to out-Sully Sully.

Maybe they need to rethink this pilots with guns thing.

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