J’accuse!

Heavens to Murgatroyd!

Caught red-handed!

Those sneaky Russians are at it again!

Not even remotely chastened after being banned from the winter Olympics for persistent and consistent cheating and with just a few of their athletes permitted to compete under the generic banner of “Olympic athlete from Russia,” whatever that means, they STILL couldn’t resist the urge to cheat and they STILL got caught because, well, because the world is now wise to their cheatin’ ways.

So who got caught?

An alpine skier looking for a little extra strength?

A cross-country skier hoping for a tad more endurance?

A speed skater seeking a boost of brute strength in his (or her) legs?

Nah.

This year’s poster child, both for cheating and for sheer stupidity, is Aleksandr Krushelnitcky, a Russian who competes in Olympic…

…curling.

Men’s Olympic curling

Seriously.

Aleksandr Krushelnitcky, a curler, of all things, was caught red-handed using meldonium, a banned performance-enhancing drug, and tossed out of the winter Olympics.

A cheater. A Russian. Goes together sort of like vodka and orange juice, don’t you think?

But you have to wonder: cheating at…curling?

What on earth did a curler think he had to gain from using a performance-enhancing drug? After all, strength isn’t a factor in curling. Endurance isn’t a factor in curling. Muscle isn’t a factor in curling. All you do in curling that involves any kind of physical exertion is…sweep your little broom. And then sweep and sweep some more.

Did Krushelnitcky think steroids would enable him to sweep faster and perhaps give him greater control of the “rock” they roll in Olympic curling?

Is he stupid?

(Stupid question.)

If they’ve got the broom, The Curmudgeon has the driveway

Oh, well, that’s the Russians and that’s the Olympics. But now that Krushelnitcky that extra energy and extra endurance as a result of using performance-enhancing drugs, he’s welcome to put it to good use at The Curmudgeon’s house, where he can sweep a driveway that bears a winter’s worth of rock salt, broken tree branches, dirt, and leaves left over from the fall.

Seriously: he used performance-enhancing drugs to enhance his performance in Olympic curling. Just when you thought you’d heard it all…

 

 

 

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