Monthly Archives: August 2018

Feelin’ Young

When The Curmudgeon and his mother went out to breakfast recently and he ordered pancakes and a side of turkey sausage off the restaurant’s main menu the waitress looked at him and said “It’s too bad you’re too young for this, but…oh, I can do it for you anyway.”  With that, she thumbed forward through the menu to the “55 and older” page and repeated “I’ll do it for you anyway” while pointing to the same combination for three dollars less.

Whereupon The Curmudgeon informed her that he is, in fact, older than 55 and is actually 60 years of age.  She expressed disbelief and declared “No way.”

Whereupon two things happened.

First, she earned herself a 60 percent tip.

And second, she left her customer, beaming a smile a mile wide, with a bounce in his step and feeling especially young.

The President Tweets

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Anderson Cooper just said my presidency is in jeopardy.  Good thing I never watch CNN.

9:20 PM – 28 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Strong backing from Sean Hannity.  He’s a Friend I can count on.  If I was a woman I would definitely date him.

9:35 PM – 28 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Mueller investigation is a fraud.  He’s an aggressive prosecutor, which is clearly a conflict with my interests. WITCH HUNT!

10:20 PM – 28 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Melania locked me out again.  Good thing I have Stormy Daniels Video to keep me company.  Definite collusion there!

11:40 PM – 28 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Michael Cohen stuff all over the internet.  He was my trusted Lawyer for ten years, so no one knows better than I do what a bad lawyer he now is.

12:10 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Ugly George Lopez talking trash about me on weird ear no-talent Colbert.  Need to direct staff to check whether he is in U.S. legally.  BUILD THE WALL!

12:15 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Omarosa keeps hinting that I hit on her.  Everyone knows I would never hit on one of the Blacks.  Fake news!

1:15 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Jeff Sessions is weak and Justice Department is full of partisan Dems so I’m leaving DOJ alone.  Fixing the Federal government isn’t my responsibility!

2:45 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

My Mother the Car was underrated show.  Snobby critics don’t recognize great entertainment when they see it.  Fake reviews!

2:50 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

No Collusion!  WITCH HUNT!

2:51 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Love Sarah Sanders!  Loyal and feisty and knows how to tell truth convincingly!  A little Chubby for my taste but adorable – like a slightly zaftig (learned that word from my son in-law Jared!) Marie Osmond.  Osmonds:  whatever happened to Wholesome American entertainment?

3:00 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Didn’t I appoint sleepy Dr. Ben Carson to my cabinet?  Haven’t seen him in at least a year.

3:05 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Diamonique on sale on QVC, affordable even for working people.  MAGA!

3:15 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Celebrity Apprentice was the most successful program in television history.  Even with lousy D-list celebs, if Trump’s in it, ratings go through the roof!

3:25 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Senate Intelligence Committee plans hearing on Russian collusion.  May have to revoke Security Clearance of committee members.  NO COLLUSION!

4:00 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Does General Kelly still work for me?  LOVE MY GENERALS.

4:35 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Rudy Giuliani’s doing a great job speaking up for me but have to admit I’m Wondering if he’s actually a lawyer.

5:15 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Making plans to go to Mar-a-Lago for much-needed golf vacation.  It’s been two weeks!

5:45 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Story in failing New York Times about White House staff in disarray was dead wrong.  Morale has never been higher as we work under my leadership to MAGA.  Times needs Trump to sell papers.  FAKE NEWS!

6:00 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

AmazonWashington Post obit on John McCain was pathetic.  Glorifies FAILED soldier who got Captured and spent years as a POW, ran weak, losing campaign for presidency, then ruined best chance to repeal Obamacare.  Will go down as one of worst Senators ever.  Wouldn’t go to his funeral if they invited me.

6:20 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Watching Fox & Friends.  That Ainsley Earhardt is almost as Hot as my Ivanka.

7:05 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Quick switch to Good Morning America. Disgrace that Little Georgie Stephanopolous is allowed to do news.  SO PARTISAN!  Also, never trust short people.  They’re all angry. MAKE AMERICA TALL AGAIN!

7:25 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Witch hunt!  No collusion!

7:26 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Fox & Friends story on Paul Manafort.  A good Friend even though he only worked for me for two days.  Had no Role in my campaign.  I may have to pardon him even though he obviously committed crimes because that’s no reason for him to go to jail.

7:35 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Never watch Morning Joe anymore.  Whoever is doing Mika’s make-up needs to be shown the door.

7:45 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Wake-up call.  Hate rolling out of bed before 10.  Daily security briefing is snooze-fest.  New NSA chief seems to want to MAKE AMERICA YAWN AGAIN.  Will have healthy breakfast of 3 Cokes and 2 Egg McMuffins with hash browns to get my day started right and so I can stay awake during briefing.

8:00 AM – 29 August 2018

Bravo, Mr. Schumer

Last weekend Senate minority leader Chuck Schumer proposed renaming a building that houses congressional offices after the late Senator John McCain.

The Curmudgeon thinks this is a great idea, for four reasons.

First, while he doesn’t share the degree of enthusiasm many people express for McCain’s Senate career, The Curmudgeon is clearly in the minority on this matter.  People seem to have great respect for McCain: for his experience in Vietnam, for his work as a senator, for the manner in which he conducted himself as a presidential candidate, and for the independence he continued to show all the way to the very end of his Senate career (and life).

Second, The Curmudgeon loves the idea that Schumer, a Democrat, is proposing renaming a building after a Republican.  The cherry on top:  the man whose name McCain’s would replace on that building was one of Schumer’s fellow Democrats.

Third, it’s about time that Congress scrubbed Richard Russell’s name off one of its buildings.  For much of his 40 years in the Senate, Russell was one of the biggest obstacles, if not the biggest, to passing civil rights legislation.  He was an old-fashioned southern segregationist.

And fourth, renaming a building after John McCain would really stick it to Donald Trump.  Even in the wake of McCain’s death, Trump could not find even a single positive word to say about McCain and reportedly vetoed a proposal from his staff to issue an official statement, saying he’d rather address it via Twitter – which he did without grace or kindness or compassion of any kind.    He did it so poorly that by popular demand he had to try again – and did it not even the slightest bit better. Trump is the walking personification of the word “boor,” and renaming the building after McCain would put him in his place.  Not that he’ll understand that.

Well done, Chuck Schumer!

All That’s Missing is the White Sheet

In 1991 John O’Donnell, who spent three years as an executive at a Trump casino, wrote a book in which he quoted Trump’s criticism of a black accountant:  “Black guys counting my money!  I hate it… I think that guy is lazy.  And it’s probably not his fault, because laziness is a trait in blacks.  It really is, I believe that.  It’s not anything they can control.”  At first Trump denied this but in a 1997 Playboy interview he conceded that “the stuff O’Donnell wrote about me is probably true.”

Back in 2012, private citizen Donald Trump suggested that then-President Barack Obama wasn’t as bright as people seemed to think, questioned his credentials to get into a good law school – Obama went to Harvard – and challenged the president to produce his college transcript.

He declined to reject the endorsement of former KKK grand wizard David Duke.

He called CNN’s Don Lemon “the dumbest man on television.”

He said of Don Lemon’s interview of LeBron James that “He made LeBron look smart, which isn’t easy to do.”

He said congresswoman Maxine Waters is an “extraordinarily low-IQ person.”

He referred to Omarosa as “that dog.”

And most recently, as part of a “look at me, I like a black person” tweet in praise of the late Aretha Franklin, he threw in “She worked for me on numerous occasions” – as if she had worked on the housekeeping staff at one of his hotels.

Do we need to hear more to conclude that the time has come for Trump to be fitted for a white sheet?

“Lock Them Up”: Starting to Look Like More Than Just Words

On the campaign trail Donald Trump famously led his supporters in chants of “Lock her up” – his exhortation that Hillary Clinton be prosecuted for, well, for daring to run for office against Donald Trump.

During the primary campaign he briefly called for the jailing of John Kasich and Ted Cruz for – and this is rich – colluding to deprive him of the Republican nomination.

During the campaign he suggested that people who disrupted his rallies should be thrown in jail.  Why?  Because they disrupted his rallies.

He suggested that people who burned an American flag during one of his rallies be thrown in jail – even though they broke no law.

Shortly after he was elected he said he wanted Barack Obama investigated for bugging Trump Tower  even though there is not a shred of evidence that either Barack Obama – working solo, perhaps, presumably after slipping, cat-like, through his Secret Service protection – or anyone working at Obama’s behest bugged Trump Tower.

He wants former FBI director James Comey jailed for disclosing classified information – even though Comey has disclosed no classified information.

He wants reporters who receive leaked information and write about that information to be thrown into jail until they reveal their sources because… well, because he hires the kind of people who leak and can’t do anything about it himself.

When some college basketball players were imprisoned in China – justifiably – for shoplifting and Trump intervened to secure their release, the president turned around and declared that he “should have left them in jail”:  not because they shoplifted but because they did not show sufficient gratitude to him for his efforts on their behalf.

The future Generalissimo Donald Trump?

Now, he wants Omarosa arrested.  Why?  No particular reason. Just because.

See the trend here?  Trump wants to prosecute and jail anyone who speaks out against him or opposes him or anyone he feels poses a political threat to governing how he wants to govern. Right and wrong don’t matter, human decency doesn’t matter, law doesn’t matter.

Just like any garden variety autocrat or dictator might do.

Deflecting Blame and Avoiding Responsibility?

When Pennsylvania’s Attorney General released a 900-page report detailing decades of sexual abuse by Catholic priests in his state the Vatican issued a strong statement criticizing the “…criminal and morally reprehensible conduct…” of those priests and those who protected them.

The statement declared that

The church must learn hard lessons from its past, and there should be accountability for both abusers and those who permitted abuse to occur.

To The Curmudgeon this feels like an attempt by the Catholic Church to distance itself from the abuses.  In fact, the statement immediately called to mind Hillary Clinton’s semi-mea culpa for the 1990s “travelgate” scandal in which she declared that “Mistakes were made,” using the passive voice to distance herself from responsibility instead of admitting “We made mistakes.”

Instead of saying “The church must learn hard lessons from its past, and there should be accountability for both…”, The Curmudgeon would have taken it as a more genuine sign of truly accepting responsibility if the Vatican statement had said “WE must learn hard lessons from OUR past, and WE should be accountable for both.”

The Curmudgeon realizes this may reflect nothing more than his over-sensitivity to language, yet you have to figure that a whole lot of people – clergymen in Rome, public relations professionals, and of course lawyers – had their hands on that statement before it was released, which to him suggests that the final version says exactly what they wanted it to say in exactly the manner in which they wanted to say it.

That is, to put some distance between the Vatican leaders who looked away during all this abuse for all of those years and these particular Pennsylvania abusers.

No matter how many times we go through this, the Catholic Church never seems to learn.

Notwithstanding All the Juicy Stuff We’ve Been…

…learning about the Trump administration courtesy of Omarosa – she’s now like Cher, no last name needed – it’s hard not to reflect on what an awful, repugnant, execrable excuse for a human being Omarosa actually is. Can you imagine working in an environment where someone is recording your every word so he or she can use it against you in the future?

And make no mistake about it:  that’s exactly what Omarosadid.  This wasn’t about “protecting herself”:  it was about accumulating salacious, sensational information so she could write a tell-all book and get even more famous and get rich at the expense of the very people who gave her a high-paying job she didn’t deserve and that had no real responsibilities and for which she wasn’t even remotely qualified in any way.

The performance bar certainly appears to be getting lower and lower,  doesn’t it?

Maybe We’re the Ones Who Have It All Wrong

If you visit this site with any degree of regularity you’re probably the kind of person who has gotten a good laugh over President Trump’s declaration that the press is the enemy of the people.

But according to USA Today,

Nearly half of Republicans surveyed — 44 percent — believe the president should be able to shutter news outlets for “bad behavior,” according to a new poll released Tuesday. 

The poll by Ipsos emphasizes the clear divide between party lines when it comes to the role of the media and its coverage of the Trump administration. Twenty-nine percent, nearly a third, of the more than 1,000 people polled said they believed the news media was the enemy of the American people, a phrase that was coined and popularized by President Donald Trump. That number jumps to 48 percent if you just examine Republicans surveyed. 

Still laughing?

Insurance Snafu

Health insurance is confusing.  You know it, your doctors know it, your insurer knows it.  Chances are you’ve been billed for services you already paid for and have received refund checks for bills you dutifully paid but the insurer realized, in hindsight, that you didn’t really owe.

That happened to The Curmudgeon last week.   On Wednesday, August 8 he received a check in the mail for $36.53 as a refund for a payment he had made in response to a bill he received for an x-ray of his foot.

The check was dated July 30, 2018.

And the date the x-ray was taken?  That was July 26.

2017!!!

Isn’t It Remarkable…

…that the president’s legal team is so worried that he will commit perjury if he talks to special counsel Robert Mueller and his team?  That they acknowledge that he’s such a compulsive liar who changes his stories so often that he can’t be trusted to sit down for a few hours and just answer some questions honestly?

And that they’re willing to talk about this so openly and so publicly?