The President Tweets

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Anderson Cooper just said my presidency is in jeopardy.  Good thing I never watch CNN.

9:20 PM – 28 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Strong backing from Sean Hannity.  He’s a Friend I can count on.  If I was a woman I would definitely date him.

9:35 PM – 28 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Mueller investigation is a fraud.  He’s an aggressive prosecutor, which is clearly a conflict with my interests. WITCH HUNT!

10:20 PM – 28 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Melania locked me out again.  Good thing I have Stormy Daniels Video to keep me company.  Definite collusion there!

11:40 PM – 28 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Michael Cohen stuff all over the internet.  He was my trusted Lawyer for ten years, so no one knows better than I do what a bad lawyer he now is.

12:10 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Ugly George Lopez talking trash about me on weird ear no-talent Colbert.  Need to direct staff to check whether he is in U.S. legally.  BUILD THE WALL!

12:15 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Omarosa keeps hinting that I hit on her.  Everyone knows I would never hit on one of the Blacks.  Fake news!

1:15 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Jeff Sessions is weak and Justice Department is full of partisan Dems so I’m leaving DOJ alone.  Fixing the Federal government isn’t my responsibility!

2:45 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

My Mother the Car was underrated show.  Snobby critics don’t recognize great entertainment when they see it.  Fake reviews!

2:50 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

No Collusion!  WITCH HUNT!

2:51 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Love Sarah Sanders!  Loyal and feisty and knows how to tell truth convincingly!  A little Chubby for my taste but adorable – like a slightly zaftig (learned that word from my son in-law Jared!) Marie Osmond.  Osmonds:  whatever happened to Wholesome American entertainment?

3:00 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Didn’t I appoint sleepy Dr. Ben Carson to my cabinet?  Haven’t seen him in at least a year.

3:05 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Diamonique on sale on QVC, affordable even for working people.  MAGA!

3:15 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Celebrity Apprentice was the most successful program in television history.  Even with lousy D-list celebs, if Trump’s in it, ratings go through the roof!

3:25 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Senate Intelligence Committee plans hearing on Russian collusion.  May have to revoke Security Clearance of committee members.  NO COLLUSION!

4:00 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Does General Kelly still work for me?  LOVE MY GENERALS.

4:35 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Rudy Giuliani’s doing a great job speaking up for me but have to admit I’m Wondering if he’s actually a lawyer.

5:15 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Making plans to go to Mar-a-Lago for much-needed golf vacation.  It’s been two weeks!

5:45 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Story in failing New York Times about White House staff in disarray was dead wrong.  Morale has never been higher as we work under my leadership to MAGA.  Times needs Trump to sell papers.  FAKE NEWS!

6:00 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

AmazonWashington Post obit on John McCain was pathetic.  Glorifies FAILED soldier who got Captured and spent years as a POW, ran weak, losing campaign for presidency, then ruined best chance to repeal Obamacare.  Will go down as one of worst Senators ever.  Wouldn’t go to his funeral if they invited me.

6:20 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Watching Fox & Friends.  That Ainsley Earhardt is almost as Hot as my Ivanka.

7:05 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Quick switch to Good Morning America. Disgrace that Little Georgie Stephanopolous is allowed to do news.  SO PARTISAN!  Also, never trust short people.  They’re all angry. MAKE AMERICA TALL AGAIN!

7:25 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Witch hunt!  No collusion!

7:26 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Fox & Friends story on Paul Manafort.  A good Friend even though he only worked for me for two days.  Had no Role in my campaign.  I may have to pardon him even though he obviously committed crimes because that’s no reason for him to go to jail.

7:35 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Never watch Morning Joe anymore.  Whoever is doing Mika’s make-up needs to be shown the door.

7:45 AM – 29 August 2018

Donald J. Trump

@unrealDonaldJTrump

Wake-up call.  Hate rolling out of bed before 10.  Daily security briefing is snooze-fest.  New NSA chief seems to want to MAKE AMERICA YAWN AGAIN.  Will have healthy breakfast of 3 Cokes and 2 Egg McMuffins with hash browns to get my day started right and so I can stay awake during briefing.

8:00 AM – 29 August 2018

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Comments

  • barbelaine421@mail.com  On August 29, 2018 at 11:13 pm

    And you didn’t make up a one of these???? What a miserable, insane, and totally deplorable POS he is. Yeah, yeah, I know…you want me to tell you how I really feel.

    • foureyedcurmudgeon  On August 29, 2018 at 11:47 pm

      No, actually, I made up ALL of them. It’s a parody (hence “unreal” in his twitter address)

      • barbelaine421@mail.com  On August 30, 2018 at 11:42 am

        My face is red. LOL I need to read more closely and think more deeply. Well, about trump….nah, he could have said any of those. LOL

  • foureyedcurmudgeon  On August 30, 2018 at 11:57 am

    And that, ultimately, is my point: I don’t think any of my made-up tweets are things that would surprise people if he actually sent them himself.

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